


Resolution

by supercalvin



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, F/F, Fem!arthur, Femslash, Genderswap, fem!merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 20:45:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13349196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supercalvin/pseuds/supercalvin
Summary: Artura DuBois Penn, better known as Penny, has a New Year's Resolution.((Longer and modified version from tumblr ficlet))





	Resolution

**Author's Note:**

> This version is different from the tumblr version!! I beefed it up (added 1k). Plus I changed Arthur’s name from the masculine form to the feminine form, Artura Penn/Penny, since I know it’s hard to imagine fem!Arthur when I still refer to her as Arthur.

 

With a blizzard to bring in the New Year, the first of January hit Camelot City hard. Snow covered the cityscape within the week. By the time Artura Penn, better known as Penny, returned to work she had to wear her snow boots and her girlfriend’s thick wool scarf. Merlin, who only worked down the street, had wrapped the scarf around Penny’s neck that morning and had said, “Keep warm, darling. If you catch your death, then what will I do?”

Merlin was so much better at showing her affection than Penny. She had never shied away from any form of affection; private or public, verbal or physical. Penny had never felt at ease with expressing her emotions. For example, that morning Penny had just grumbled and told Merlin, “You’re a pain, I’ll be fine.”

Merlin, who could recognize her girlfriend’s version of ‘Thank you’ just smiled and said, “See you after work.”

Now Penny was walking home, feeling the wind cut straight through her coat to her thin business suit. It was freezing, and the wind did not help one bit. She could feel the wind swirl around her, pulling strands from her braids and whipping them across her brow.

When she finally made it back to the flat, Merlin was waiting in the kitchen with two cups of tea. Penny tugged off all her layers in record time, dumping her coat, scarf, and boots all at the front door. Within a few seconds she was diving for the warm drink without any other greeting to her girlfriend.

Merlin was sitting crossed legged at the kitchen table, only in leggings and a thick sweater. Penny knew from experience that Merlin probably wasn’t wearing anything under either, and if she wasn’t so preoccupied with the tea, the thought might have warmed her up quickly.

Merlin huffed in annoyance as Penny chugged her tea. Merlin mockingly said, “Hello, Merlin. How are you, Merlin? My day was good, Merlin, how was yours? Oh, Artura DuBois Penn, thank you for asking. My day was productive and wonderful.” Even though her black hair was cut short in a pixie style, she had pretended to twirl her finger around long braids, Penny’s signature hair style.  

Penny smiled as she slinked closer. With her tea in one hand, she pulled Merlin off her chair and tucked herself close to Merlin’s side, delighting in the cry of outrage as her cold nose pressed to Merlin’s neck. With a giggle, Merlin struggled to move away but Penny held tight, her hand sneaking under Merlin’s sweater and running over the soft skin of her hip.

“Hi.” Penny whispered, pressing a kiss to Merlin’s neck. “You’re warm.”

“Now you’re going to be sweet and pretend you aren’t a cold demon.” Merlin grumbled, but she cupped the side of Penny’s face delicately. She pressed a kiss to Penny’s cold nose, right on the high bridge. “Brat.”

Penny tilted her head and kissed Merlin properly. Her hand travelled up the curve of Merlin’s thin waist, and found that she was indeed not wearing anything underneath.

Penny set down her tea, deciding she would rather have Merlin instead.

After their probably-more-than-inappropriate greeting, they had had dinner and watched a film in bed, curled up around each other. That night, despite an exhausting day at work and such a satisfying evening, Penny could not fall asleep. Hours after lying down, Penny still laid awake with Merlin fast asleep beside her.

She stared at the ceiling, counting the flashing light of her alarm clock on the ceiling for a few minutes. Then she flipped onto her stomach, but that only lasted so long since her breasts had never made it easy to sleep on her front. Unlike Merlin. Penny turned her head to see her slim girlfriend with her face smashed into her pillow, arms splayed, and her butt sticking up just a little bit. It was more than adorable, but at the moment all Penny could wish was that she was equally as asleep. Huffing to herself, Penny flipped over again, this time on her side, and stared at the pictures sitting on her wardrobe.

Merlin had photos of her and Willow, a childhood friend from Ealdor. There was a postcard from Balinor and Hunith from their trip to Rome, with a picture of them in front of the Coliseum. Of course there were a few of Penny and Merlin together, including a snapshot of the pair in front of that castle in France. On Penny’s side, there was one of Penny and her older step-brother, Morgan.  In a frame was an old photograph from Penny’s childhood, with Ygraine holding a towhead Artura. Barely a toddler, She as wearing a bee costume with bright yellow glitter shoes. Penny doesn’t remember the day or the costume. Apparently it had only been a month or so before her father died, but Ygraine rarely talked about it. She always preferred to think about the time they had had together rather than the time apart.

Penny flipped over again, looking back to Merlin who was making a little wheezing sound, which she would always adamantly demand was not snoring.

Penny thought it must be the New Year that had her tossing and turning. Even though it was all imaginary, nothing really changed besides the last digit of the year, she still felt like it was time for a change. She should have made a resolution. It was already two weeks into the New Year, but there was still time, she pondered to herself. New Year was about new beginnings. It was about making a better life, one day at a time.

But the New Year made her think of how she spent the last month of the year: Christmas with her mother, pretending she was a straight woman who was too career-driven for a relationship.

During the holidays, there were always romantic films playing on television, and there was always bound to be at least one question from one relative about her love-life. Even her mother would ask if she had found anyone. At the very least she would ask if her ‘roommate, Merlin, had found a nice man?’ It made Penny’s heart sink every time.

Ygraine was a kind woman. She was a strong woman with a heart as big as the ocean, but she also had high-expectations for her children. Penny and Morgan were never allowed to slack off in their school work, and were lectured about being considerate and caring to those around them.  Penny never wanted to disappoint her.

Maybe it was time to stop lying to her mum. Penny had known Merlin for three years now, and she had been hiding their relationship as ‘roommates’ for two. But even if Penny hadn’t had a girlfriend, there was no denying the fact that she had known she preferred girls over boys since she sat down in the cinema and beheld Kiera Knightly in that strapping pirate ensemble.

Unable to stand it any longer, Penny slipped out of bed, tiptoeing so she wouldn’t wake Merlin. She slipped on a pair of yoga pants and Merlin’s sweater, which was a little tighter on her, but was warm all the same. She closed the door softly, and made her way to the kitchen, where she found her work bag and laptop.

Over the course of an hour she typed out dozens of emails to her mother. None of them felt right. They either sounded too urgent (“I need to talk to you. As soon as possible!”), too professional (“Hello Mother, When would be the most convenient time to meet with you?”), or too forward (“Hi mum, I’m queer!”)

In the end Penny just typed out, “Hey, Mum! Want to have lunch this weekend?”

The next morning, Penny went into work with a little less sleep but feeling like she was on the right start to her Big New Year’s Resolution. She hadn’t told Merlin about her plans. She was going to regret that, but Penny was positive that her over-dramatic girlfriend would make a big deal out of it and Penny just wanted it to be simple. She was going to avoid any anxiety about coming out. It would be simple. Go over to her mother’s home. Have Lunch. Make small talk. Then tell her mother she liked girls, that she had been lying for years, and that she also had a secret girlfriend who might be The One. Easy-peasy.

Penny knew it was a sham. She was freaking out and there was no denying it. Within a day she was already losing her mind with worry. As the week progressed, she had waffled between being stubbornly determined to come out to her mother and chickening out so hard that she had several draft emails about canceling plans.

She knew that Merlin was aware something was bothering her, but Merlin had known her girlfriend long enough to know that she shouldn’t ask. Penny always came to her when she was ready to talk. Instead she found that Merlin was insisting on being helpful, playing it off as casual. In the morning, she brushed Penny’s long hair and helped her pin the braids in a professional style. In the afternoon Merlin sent a few texts about incidents at the clinic, most of them were hilarious and Penny shared them with her coworker, Lenora. Then, in the evening, there was always tea waiting for Penny when she came home. It was sweet of Merlin, but Penny didn’t think there was anything to ease her anxiety.

By the time Saturday afternoon arrived Penny was standing in front of her childhood home, sweating horribly in the middle of January and feeling like she might bolt down the street instead of stepping inside.

“Hello, wart.” Her mother greeted, as she always did. Penny relaxed a little as her mother engulfed her in a hug. “I was surprised you wanted to have lunch. We only saw each a few weeks ago, love.” Ygraine said as she took Penny’s purse out of her hands to set it on the coatrack.

Penny tried not to wince. “I want to see you other than on holidays, mum.”

Ygraine teased her, “Course you do. You’re so considerate of your old mother.”

Penny laughed a little, and followed Ygraine into the ‘plant room.’ It was actually a section of the manor which had been converted into a greenhouse, with glass walls which looked across the wide green grounds of Penn Estate. When Penny had been a little girl she had called to the room the plant room no one had called it the greenhouse ever since.

When Penny walked in she saw that lunch was already served, set on the little white wicker table and chairs next to the plant heaters.

“You’re keeping it up very nicely.” Penny commented, meaning the heaters and the well-tended plants which were certainly not meant for such cold conditions as Camelot City in January.

“Keeps me busy in my half-retirement. I have so much free time when I only work as an advisor.” Ygraine said, sitting down and gesturing for Penny to sit. “Tea? I had Bridget make your favorite bread. I know how much you like it.”

“Thanks, mum.” Penny’s voice was a little husky. Looking at the warm slices of homemade bread, Penny tried not to get emotional. Bread was not supposed to make Penny emotional. She was going to get through this without crying. She had promised herself.

“How has work been?” Her mother asked, sipping her soup.

Penny smiled a little, “I had a hundred emails piled up from my holiday. I’m still going through them.”

Ygraine tsked, “Busy, busy, busy.”

They talked a little in between their soup and bread. Mostly, Penny let her mother speak as she tried to figure out how to broach the subject. Every other minute she flipped between letting it pop out of nowhere and never saying anything, leaving without ever coming out. But that wasn’t an option. Penny was stubborn at the best of times, especially when she set herself up to a challenge.

Before Penny realized it, the better part of an hour had passed.

“Was the food alright, wart?” Ygraine asked, her brown wrinkling with worry.

Penny looked at her mother’s empty bowl of soup and then at her own barely-touched one. She was so nervous that she doubted she could eat a mint, let alone anything else. That was surely a tip to her mother that something was off. Penny was hardly one to turn down food, especially homemade bread.

“Yeah, mum. Sorry. I’m just tired.” Penny brushed the wisps of hair that had fallen out of her braids off her forehead.

Ygraine frowned, looking a bit stern as she assessed her daughter. Penny was sure she was looking at the bags under her eyes and the uneasy way she fidgeted in her chair, making the wicker creak.

“Penny, is something wrong?”

She shook her head, looking down at her hands in her lap, spinning her father’s ring around her thumb nervously.

“Is it work? Is it too much? If you need a break I’m sure Annis would give time off.”

Penny shook her head again, unable to answer with words.

“I-I…” She began poorly. She swallowed and started over. “I have a New Year’s resolution.”

Ygraine nodded, “Spending more time with me?” She was trying to lighten the mood, but Penny could see the concern written all over her face.

Penny huffed out a laugh. “Ha. Maybe if this goes, er…. Maybe.”

She cleared her throat again. “I have this New Year’s resolution.” She repeated. “I want to start this year off right. I wanted to… I wanted to be honest with you, mum. I've been keeping something from you, and I don’t like that. So I wanted to tell you. Tell you. I’m…” Penny felt like there wasn’t a drop of water in her mouth. She felt her stomach clench.

“Mum, I’m a lesbian.”

The concern washed off Ygraine’s face. Her mouth opened and her hand went to her heart, her expression obvious with surprise. In that instant Penny knew that her mother hadn’t had a clue.

The words finally came out of Penny and it triggered a flood from within her. Penny had to cover her face with her hands, trying to hide the way her face crumpled and the way she sucked in desperate breaths. Hiding didn’t work very well as she seemed to be making a wheezing sound with every breath.

Penny felt something touch her arm, and she almost jumped out her skin to see that Ygraine had moved from across the table to kneel beside her chair.

“Oh, wart, come here.”

Penny didn’t think. She just collapsed into her mother’s arms, tucking her face into the soft blonde and grey hair that fell down her shoulders. Ygraine wrapped her arms around Penny, running a hand over her braids, tucking some strands behind her ear.

“You’ve kept this inside yourself for so long. I’m so sorry.” Ygraine’s voice cracked and Penny felt worse.

“I’m sorry, mum. I should have told you. I was scared you’d think differently of me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Penny sobbed, as Ygraine rocked her like she was a little girl again. Penny barely minded it, as she felt a mix of guilt and complete relief. It was a release of a week’s- if not years’- worth of emotion. It was cathartic, even if it felt a little horrible.

After a moment, when Penny had calmed down, Ygraine pulled her up to they were face to face. “Wart, you know I will always love you. Always, always.” Ygraine ran a hand over Penny’s cheeks, wiping the tear away.

“I know.” Penny nodded, feeling a lot better. “I just didn’t want to…” With her eyes downcast, she whispered, “Didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“ _Artura_ , you would never disappoint me.” Ygraine squeezed her. “I just want you to love and to be loved. That’s all I care about.”

“I am.” Penny sniffed, smiling a little. “I mean, I have someone. Merlin. I’m with Merlin.”

“Oh.” Ygraine paused in thought for a moment. “Oh, of course you are. She’s not your roommate at all, is she?”

Penny shook her head. “No, she never was. I’m sorry. I hated lying to you mum, but I wasn’t ready. I just…wasn’t.”

“No, I understand, wart. It’s alright.” Ygraine said, leaning over to press a kiss to Penny’s forehead. “But I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you have her, Artura. She’s perfect for you. I see that now.”

Penny smiled, “I might need to phone her. I’m not sure I can drive back on my own like this.”

“Don’t be silly.” Ygraine frowned. “Stay here for the night. Or call Merlin. We should have dinner together, just the three of us.”

Penny shook her head, “I didn’t even tell her I was coming out to you. She’s going to kill me.”

Ygraine laughed, pulling Penny to her feet with comforting hands. “Call her and invite her to dinner. I’ll put lunch away.”

“Wait,” Penny pointed to her soup and bread. “I might want that now.”

Ygraine smiled, touching Penny’s tear-stained cheeks before leaving with her empty dishes.

Penny pulled out her phone, dialing Merlin’s number as she looked out at the assorted plants and the rainy weather outside.

“Babe! Aren’t you at your mum’s?” Merlin asked, sounding confused.

“Yeah.” Penny coughed, “Hey, don’t murder me, but I have news?”

Penny heard Merlin pause on the other end. “Penny what did you do?”

“I came out to mum.” Penny said a bit shyly.

There was another long pause. Then Merlin was making a weird high-pitched shriek. “Holy shit! What did she say? Are you okay? You bitch, you planned this, didn’t you? Is this why you were all weird this week? Oh my god, do you need me to pick you up?”

Penny laughed, answering all that with a simple, “Mum wants to have dinner with you.”

“Oh my god, oh my god” Merlin rambled, “Oh my god, I haven’t showered!”

“Then take a shower, you idiot.” Penny smiled, picturing Merlin still in her pajamas at two in the afternoon.

“Shit. Okay, yeah.” There was shuffling on the other end of the phone.

“Merlin?” Penny whispered.

“Yeah?” Merlin whispered back.

“Come soon?”

There was a pause and then Merlin said, “I love you, Artura Penn. I’m going to give you a big hug when I see you. You absolute berk.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” Penny said, before telling Merlin to wear her blue button up and the silk scarf that Penny gave her for Christmas.

When Merlin did arrive, she seemed to be made up of vibrating nervous energy. She threw herself at Penny, wrapping her long arms around Penny’s shoulders and talking a mile a minute. She alternated between saying how proud she was of Penny and telling her how stupid she was for keeping it a secret from Merlin.

Ygraine was in the foyer, right behind Penny, but Merlin must not have noticed.

“Babe.” Penny nudged Merlin and nodded over to her mother.

Merlin finally looked up, seeing Ygraine.

“Oh Jesus, hello.” Merlin nervously tried to flatten down her always-a-mess pixie cut. “Sorry, I didn’t see you- I was just, um-”

Ygraine laughed, “Don’t apologize, that was exactly what I hoped to see.” She reached forward and took Merlin’s hand, “I should have seen it all before. Come, my dear. I’ve been waiting for Artura to bring home a boyfriend- or rather a girlfriend, my apologies- for years now. I can’t wait to embarrass her.”

“ _Mum_.” Penny whined, but felt happier than ever.

Merlin grinned, “Do you have baby pictures? Penny would never show any to me!”

“Of course, Merlin. Of course.”

Later that evening, after a dinner filled with laughter over baby pictures and riddled with some motherly questioning about Merlin and her intentions, Penny and Merlin settled into Artura’s childhood bedroom. The pair curled up on the small double bed with Penny pressed back into Merlin’s warm embrace. Unlike the past week, it only took Penny a few moments to fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I totally should have saved this for Femslash February. Oh well. Maybe this will motivate me to write more femslash. Preferably canonically female characters in a f/f ship instead of just genderbending Merthur. Anyways, a bit different, but I hope you liked my fem!Merthur.


End file.
